Potty training: readiness signs, how to start and accidents

Most toddlers start potty training — also called toilet training or toilet learning — somewhere between 18 months and 3 years. The Australian Government's Pregnancy, Birth and Baby guide to toilet training says most toddlers are ready at 2 to 3 years old and some as early as 18 months. It works best when your child shows signs of readiness, the household is fairly calm, and you go at your child's pace.

The basic method is simple: pants in the day, short regular sits on a potty or toilet, praise for trying, and calm clean-ups after accidents. Staying dry at night usually comes months or years later. This guide covers when to start, the readiness signs, a step-by-step plan, accidents and setbacks, night-time dryness, the link with constipation, and when to get help.

When should you start potty training?

There's no single right age, and the guidelines take slightly different approaches.

The AAP's guide to the right age says children generally show signs of bladder and bowel control between 18 and 24 months, and most US children are bowel and bladder trained by 4. Victoria's Better Health Channel in Australia notes that children usually reach about 2 before they can recognise the body signals, and advises not starting too early.

The NHS Best Start in Life guide takes a more parent-led view: almost all children can be potty trained between 18 months and 2½ years, and the best thing to do is start. Whichever approach you take, all three agree on going at your child's pace, praising effort and never punishing.

When to wait a little

The AAP suggests holding off during major changes at home, such as a move, a new baby or a family crisis. Pregnancy, Birth and Baby suggests choosing a calm time, and summer if you can, because fewer layers make it easier to get clothes off quickly.

What are the signs your toddler is ready for toilet training?

Pregnancy, Birth and Baby and the AAP list similar signs. Your child may be ready when they:

• know they're about to wee or poo, or show it by grunting, freezing or squatting
• tell you when their nappy is wet or dirty, or dislike wearing a wet one
• stay dry for at least 2 hours, or wake up dry after a daytime nap
• poo at fairly predictable times of day
• show interest in other people using the toilet, or ask to wear underpants
• can pull their pants up and down and walk to the bathroom
• can follow simple instructions
• can sit still in one place for a little while — the Better Health Channel suggests 2 to 5 minutes

Your child doesn't need every sign. If only a few are there and you're not sure, it's fine to try for a short time and see how they respond. The NHS notes that not every child tells you when they're wet, so also look for fidgeting, going quiet or pulling faces.

Should you use a potty or a toilet seat?

Either works, and some families use both.

Pregnancy, Birth and Baby says a potty can feel like a gentler start and can come with you when you go out. If you use the toilet, it recommends a smaller seat that fits inside the big one and a step so your child can climb up easily and rest their feet. The Royal Children's Hospital Melbourne's constipation guide also recommends a footstool, because supported feet make it easier to do a poo.

How do you potty train? A step-by-step plan

These steps combine advice from Pregnancy, Birth and Baby, the NHS and the Better Health Channel.

Before you start

1. Talk and show. Read books about potties, teach the words you'll use (such as "wee" and "poo"), and if you're comfortable, let your child see you use the toilet. The NHS suggests changing nappies in the bathroom and practising sitting on the potty.
2. Get set up. Buy plenty of underpants, choose clothes that are easy to pull down — elastic waists rather than buttons and zips — and put cleaning products out of reach.
3. Pick your days. If you can, stay home for the first few days.

The first days and weeks

4. Switch to pants in the day. The NHS says pants help your child notice when they're wet. Keep a nappy for naps and at night for now.
5. Offer short, regular sits. Pregnancy, Birth and Baby suggests 2 or 3 minutes at a time: 20 to 30 minutes after meals, before and after sleeps, and about every 2 hours in between. If your child usually poos at a certain time, offer a sit then.
6. Watch for signs. Head to the potty when you see the wriggle, squat or sudden quiet. Don't make them wait — toddlers can't "hold on" for long.
7. Praise trying, not just success. Praise sitting on the potty, whether or not anything happens. The NHS suggests stickers or a reward chart; the Better Health Channel suggests easing off the praise as your child masters each step.
8. Teach hygiene. Help with wiping (girls wipe front to back to help prevent infections), let them flush if they're not scared of it, and wash hands every time.
9. Hand over gradually. Once your child is used to it, ask whether they need to go instead of always taking them, and let them do more themselves.

Boys and girls

Pregnancy, Birth and Baby suggests boys start by sitting for both wees and poos, then move to standing for wees. It notes that boys tend to take longer than girls to become toilet trained, though not always.

Example day — adjust to your child

This is a made-up example built from the timing suggestions above, not a schedule to follow exactly.

If your child goes to childcare, Pregnancy, Birth and Baby suggests telling staff the words and signs your child uses and packing spare pants and clothes, so the routine stays consistent.

How long does potty training take, and what about accidents?

It varies a lot. Pregnancy, Birth and Baby says toilet training is quick for some children and takes a few weeks for others. The AAP's guide to the stages of toilet training notes that skills develop unevenly: a child may wee in the potty quite easily but take several more months to poo there. Comparing your child with others isn't useful.

Accidents are a normal part of learning. Stay calm, clean up without fuss and move on. Making a big deal of the mess can make your child anxious, which makes training harder. Never punish an accident.

If your child shows no interest or isn't making progress after about 4 weeks, Pregnancy, Birth and Baby says it's fine to stop for a while and try again when they're a bit older. Many families find a break takes the pressure off everyone. For handling resistance and big feelings, see toddler tantrums.

Potty training regression

Going backwards is common. Pregnancy, Birth and Baby says it's normal for children to have accidents again during a big change or when they're unwell. The Better Health Channel suggests pausing for a week or two if your child is stressed.

Accidents that keep happening after your child was reliably trained, especially with pain or fever, are worth a doctor's visit; see the last section.

When do children stay dry at night?

Night-time dryness usually comes well after daytime dryness, because your child's brain has to develop control over the bladder during sleep. Pregnancy, Birth and Baby says some children are dry at night by 3 and most by 5. It also notes a family link: children often become dry at night at a similar age to their parents.

Bedwetting in young children is very common. The AAP says 40% of US children continue to wet the bed after they are fully day-trained, and that it stays common through age 5. The NHS bedwetting page says many children under 5 wet the bed, and that it's not their fault.

Ways to make nights easier:

• Keep a nappy or pull-up on at night until your child is regularly waking up dry.
• Make a toilet trip part of the bedtime routine; the toddler sleep guide covers routines.
• Give plenty of drinks during the day, and avoid caffeinated drinks such as cola and tea.
• Use a waterproof mattress protector.
• Don't routinely wake your child to wee — the NHS says it doesn't help in the long term — and never punish wet nights.

Pregnancy, Birth and Baby suggests seeing a doctor if your child is still bedwetting at 7 or 8. The NHS suggests seeing a GP if home measures haven't helped, or if your child starts wetting the bed again after being dry for more than 6 months.

How does constipation affect potty training?

The Royal Children's Hospital Melbourne says constipation is common around the time of toilet training. A painful or frightening poo can lead a child to hold on, which makes the next poo harder and more painful. Signs include tummy cramps, being off their food, crossing their legs or squatting to hold on, and refusing to sit on the toilet.

The NHS says your child should be doing soft poos at least every other day. Hard, dry or pebble-like poos, or straining, may mean constipation, and it suggests speaking to your GP or health visitor before stopping nappies if you think your child is constipated.

To help, the RCH suggests a relaxed sit for 3 to 5 minutes after meals, a footstool, and praise for sitting even without a poo. Pregnancy, Birth and Baby suggests plenty of water and fresh fruit and vegetables. Long-term constipation can cause soiling, as poo leaks without your child noticing, so mention any soiling to your doctor. The constipation guide has more detail.

What's worth tracking during potty training?

For the first week or two, a quick note of when your child wees and poos, when accidents happen and what their poos look like can show a pattern — for example, a poo most days after breakfast. You can then time sits to match. The same notes are useful to show a GP or health visitor if progress stalls or constipation seems to be a problem.

When should you get help?

Call 999 now if your child:

• is confused, very drowsy or hard to wake, or has trouble speaking

See a doctor today (or call NHS 111) if your child:

• has a fever, pain or burning when weeing, blood in their wee, or seems generally unwell — possible signs of a urine infection, which the NHS UTI page says need an urgent appointment
• has poo that is white, red or black, which the RCH says needs a doctor's check

Book a visit with your GP or health visitor if your child:

• has significant pain with poos, bleeds from their bottom, or keeps holding on
• is soiling their pants without noticing, or constipation isn't improving with diet changes
• is not dry during the day by age 4
• starts having accidents again after being reliably trained, and it doesn't settle
• is often wetting the bed at 7 or 8, or starts again after 6 months of dry nights
• has developmental differences or sensory sensitivities that make the usual approach hard — Pregnancy, Birth and Baby says a different approach may suit them better

For other signs of illness in young children, see when to call the doctor.