Broken sleep is one of the hardest parts of the newborn months, and it is expected rather than a sign that something is wrong. Australia's Sleep Health Foundation explains that babies develop a day-night sleep cycle over about the first 3 months, after which they usually start sleeping for longer stretches overnight. Until then, the most useful steps are resting when your baby sleeps, sharing night feeds where you can and doing less of everything else. Two things matter more than anything when you're exhausted: keeping your baby's sleep safe, and noticing when tiredness has become something more, such as postnatal depression.
How does sleep deprivation affect new parents?
Running short on sleep affects more than energy. The healthdirect page on sleep says that when you don't get enough sleep:
- your ability to concentrate can be affected
- your mood can change, and you may be more irritable, snappy or teary
- this can strain your relationships
- you may have slower reaction times, which can make driving dangerous
Healthdirect says most adults need about 7 to 9 hours of sleep a night to function at their best. Few parents of a newborn get that, so the aim for now is to protect as much rest as you can, not to hit a number.
Australia's Sleep Health Foundation also points out that the symptoms of sleep loss and depression are very similar and can be confused. That's one reason it's worth talking to someone if you're struggling, rather than assuming it's "just tiredness".
How long does newborn sleep deprivation last?
The NHS guide to sleep and tiredness after having a baby says the phase when your baby wakes several times a night will not last forever, and babies sleep for longer periods as they get older. The Sleep Health Foundation says the day-night cycle develops over about the first 3 months, and that crying generally peaks at around 6–8 weeks and then decreases.
There is no set date when nights get easier. Some babies settle into longer stretches sooner, and many keep waking for feeds or comfort well past 3 months. For what's typical at each age, see newborn sleep patterns and sleeping through the night.
How can I get more sleep with a newborn?
These are the strategies the NHS and the Sleep Health Foundation suggest, plus a few practical ways to make them work.
- Rest when your baby sleeps. The NHS suggests setting an alarm if you're worried about sleeping too long. The Sleep Health Foundation notes that broken sleep is better than none and that naps can help you catch up.
- Do less of everything else. The Sleep Health Foundation suggests minimising other responsibilities, especially for the first 3 months. Let the housework slide, and say no to non-essential plans.
- Share the night. If your baby has formula, someone else can do some feeds. If you're breastfeeding, the NHS says a partner could occasionally give expressed milk at night once you're into a good breastfeeding routine.
- Accept help. The NHS suggests asking a relative or friend to look after your baby while you nap, or, if you're on your own, to stay for a few days so you can get more sleep.
- Keep night feeds dim and quiet. The Sleep Health Foundation suggests avoiding your phone, the internet and TV during night feeds, so it's easier to fall back asleep.
- Get outside and move. The NHS says regular exercise can help you feel less tired, and suggests a walk with your baby every day, even if it's only to the shops.
If you're very sleepy even after a reasonably long sleep, the Sleep Health Foundation says not to ignore the possibility of a sleep disorder such as sleep apnoea, which can occur during pregnancy and after the birth. Mention it to your GP.
How can we share night feeds and settling?
The aim is for each adult to get a stretch of sleep while someone else is on duty. With bottles, the on-duty adult can do the whole feed. With breastfeeding, a partner can bring the baby to you, then burp, change and resettle so you can go straight back to sleep. The partner support guide has a step-by-step plan for splitting the night, and combination feeding covers adding some bottles.
If you're parenting alone, even one regular visitor who takes the baby for a couple of hours while you sleep can make a real difference.
Is it safe to drive when I'm this tired?
Tiredness affects driving more than most people expect. The Sleep Health Foundation's drowsy driving fact sheet says being awake for 17 hours may impair driving about as much as a blood alcohol concentration of 0.05%, and 24 hours awake about as much as 0.10%.
Warning signs it lists include:
- heavy eyelids, or struggling to keep your eyes open
- wandering thoughts, or missing signs
- not remembering the last few kilometres
- drifting between lanes or struggling to hold your speed
- winding down the window or turning up the music to stay alert
- head nodding, which it describes as a sign you're already having micro-sleeps
If you notice these, stop driving and take a break. The fact sheet suggests pulling over somewhere quiet and safe for a nap of about 15 to 20 minutes, then walking around for 5 to 10 minutes before driving on. It says not to rely on loud music, open windows or passengers to keep you awake, because the best cure for drowsiness is sleep. On the worst days, ask someone else to drive, or put off the trip.
How do I keep my baby safe when I'm exhausted?
Tiredness is when unsafe sleep happens by accident, so it helps to decide in advance where you'll feed and settle at night.
- Sofas and armchairs. The NHS SIDS advice says do not sleep on a sofa or in an armchair with your baby. The AAP safe sleep page says the risk is up to 67 times higher when babies sleep with someone on a couch, soft armchair or cushion. Red Nose's co-sleeping advice, from Australia, says falling asleep holding a baby on a couch or chair is always unsafe.
- Feeding in bed. The AAP advises that if you bring your baby into your bed, you put them back in their own sleep space before you go to sleep, and move them back as soon as you wake if you dozed off.
- Your baby's own sleep space. On their back for every sleep, on a firm, flat mattress, with nothing soft or loose in the cot. The NHS recommends your baby sleeps in their own cot or Moses basket in your room for at least the first 6 months; the AAP also says at least the first 6 months.
Bed-sharing advice differs by country. The AAP (US) recommends avoiding bed-sharing under any circumstances. Red Nose (Australia) says the safest place is the baby's own safe sleep space and does not recommend co-sleeping, but gives advice on making it safer for parents who do. Red Nose says never to co-sleep or lie down holding your baby if you are overly tired or unwell, have recently drunk alcohol, smoke, or have taken drugs that make you sleepy, or if your baby was premature or small. The NHS lists similar situations in which not to share a bed. See bed-sharing and safe sleep for the full detail.
Is it exhaustion or postnatal depression?
Tiredness and depression overlap, which is why they're easy to mix up. The NHS says these can be signs of postnatal depression rather than tiredness alone:
- being unable to sleep at night, even when your baby is asleep
- feeling tired all the time
- feeling down or hopeless
- no longer enjoying things you normally enjoy
The NHS postnatal depression page says the baby blues usually go away within 2 weeks of the birth, and that postnatal depression can start any time up to a year after your baby is born. It also says partners and fathers can have depression after a baby. If you think you might be depressed, the NHS advises talking to a GP as soon as possible, and getting help even if you only have some of the signs.
Beyond Blue adds anxiety signs to watch for, such as worry that gets in the way of daily tasks, panic attacks, feeling constantly on edge and taking a long time to fall asleep. For more on mood after birth, see postnatal mood.
When should I get help?
Call a crisis line (Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia, Samaritans on 116 123 in the UK, 988 in the US) or your local emergency number (000 in Australia, 999 in the UK, 911 in the US) now if you have thoughts of suicide or of harming yourself or your baby. Beyond Blue advises seeking help immediately for these thoughts.
Call your local emergency number (000 in Australia, 999 in the UK, 911 in the US) if anyone is in immediate danger.
See your GP as soon as possible if:
- you can't sleep even when your baby is asleep
- low mood, anxiety or irritability lasts more than 2 weeks after the birth or is getting worse
- you're very sleepy even after a reasonably long sleep
- you're nodding off while driving or at other risky moments
For someone to talk to about how you're feeling, contact a perinatal support line (PANDA on 1300 726 306 in Australia, Samaritans on 116 123 in the UK, the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline on 1-833-852-6262 in the US). Perinatal support lines are not always open around the clock, so for thoughts of harm, use the crisis line or emergency services.
What's worth noting down?
For a week or so, jot down roughly when you slept, how long your longest stretch was and a quick mood score. This can show whether you're getting any real rest, and it gives your GP a clearer picture than "I'm exhausted" if you need to ask for help.
