A partner or support person can do almost every part of caring for a newborn except breastfeeding, and sharing it well protects everyone's sleep, recovery and mood. The NHS guide to sleep and tiredness after having a baby suggests partners share formula feeds, or take on nappies and dressing so a breastfeeding parent can go back to sleep. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) page for new dads and partners suggests taking shifts with nappy changes, bottle feeds and settling. Just as important is noticing how each of you is coping, because postnatal depression and anxiety can affect either parent.
This guide is for partners, co-parents, grandparents and friends who are helping, and for the parent who gave birth. "Partner" here means whoever is sharing the load with you.
What can a partner do to help with a newborn?
Most newborn jobs don't need the person who gave birth. The AAP describes partners bringing the baby to the breast, helping with positioning, bringing the feeding parent water, changing the baby afterwards and making sure the baby goes back safely to their own cot or bassinet. Partners can also hold the baby skin-to-skin on their chest.
| Area | What a partner can take on |
|---|---|
| Feeds | Bring baby, help with positioning, bring water and snacks |
| Bottles | Make up and give formula or expressed milk |
| After feeds | Burp, change the nappy, settle baby back in the cot |
| Nights | Take a shift of changes, settling and bottle feeds |
| Recovery | Drive, carry heavy things, manage visitors |
| Home | Meals, washing, shopping, booking appointments |
The less visible jobs count too: restocking nappies and wipes, keeping track of check-ups, answering messages from family. Many couples find it helps to write everything down once a week and agree who owns what, rather than splitting each task evenly every day. Beyond Blue's page on caring for a baby suggests talking openly about how the non-birth parent can take on more, since the birth parent often gets most of the attention and most of the work.
For burping and settling techniques, see burping and wind and soothing a crying baby.
How can a partner help if the baby is breastfed?
A breastfed baby still gives a partner plenty to do. The NHS suggests a partner takes over nappies or dressing in the morning so the breastfeeding parent can go back to sleep. It also says that once you're into a good breastfeeding routine, your partner could occasionally give a bottle of expressed breast milk during the night.
Practical ways to help with breastfeeding:
- Bring the baby to the breast at night, so the feeding parent can stay in bed.
- Help with pillows and positioning in the early days.
- Bring water and something to eat at every feed.
- Do the burp, nappy change and resettle afterwards, and return the baby to their own sleep space.
- Wash and sterilise pump parts if you're expressing (see pumping basics).
If your baby has formula, or a mix of breast milk and formula, the NHS suggests partners share the feeds. See combination feeding and preparing formula.
How do we share night shifts with a newborn?
There's no official number of hours each adult should get, but sharing the night helps. The AAP says that even just a few extra hours in bed can help parents cope better, and Pregnancy, Birth and Baby suggests setting a sleep schedule with your partner to share the load. Beyond Blue suggests taking turns watching the baby so each of you can nap or sleep in.
- Agree the plan before evening. Decisions made at 3am, while exhausted, tend to end in arguments.
- Split the night into shifts. One adult covers the first part of the night and the other covers the second, or you alternate whole nights.
- Make off duty truly off duty. The off-duty adult sleeps where they won't hear every snuffle, such as another room.
- Match the shift to the feeding. With bottles, the on-duty adult does the whole feed. With breastfeeding, they bring the baby, then burp, change and resettle.
- Keep the baby's sleep safe. Put the baby back on their back in their own cot or bassinet after every feed.
- Review it each week. What works at two weeks may not fit at two months, or when someone returns to work.
| Shift | On-duty adult | Off-duty adult |
|---|---|---|
| First half of the night | Settles, changes, gives bottles | Sleeps, ideally out of earshot |
| Second half of the night | Settles, changes, gives bottles | Sleeps, ideally out of earshot |
| Breastfed baby, any shift | Brings baby, then burps and resettles | Feeds, then goes back to sleep |
Example night — adjust to your family.
The NHS advice on reducing the risk of SIDS also recommends that your baby sleeps in their own cot or Moses basket in your room for every sleep for at least the first 6 months. For more, see safe sleep and coping with sleep deprivation.
How can a partner protect the birth parent's rest and recovery?
Recovery after birth takes weeks, and practical help makes a real difference. After a caesarean, the NHS caesarean recovery page says you will not be able to drive for a few weeks and may not be able to carry anything heavier than your baby straight away. A partner can drive, do the shopping, lift the washing basket and carry the pram.
The NHS also suggests resting when your baby sleeps and asking a relative or friend to look after the baby while you nap. If you're parenting on your own, it suggests a friend or relative could stay for a few days so you can get more sleep. A daily walk with the baby, even just to the shops, can help with tiredness.
Partners can also act as gatekeeper: keeping visits short, asking visitors to bring food rather than expect hosting, and noticing when the birth parent needs a break. For physical recovery and the warning signs to act on, see postpartum recovery.
Can dads and non-birth parents get postnatal depression?
Yes. The NHS page on postnatal depression says fathers and partners can also have depression after having a baby. Beyond Blue says postnatal depression affects about one in 10 new dads, and up to one in 6 women.
Pregnancy, Birth and Baby, an Australian Government service, says depression affects 1 in 10 fathers from the first trimester through the baby's first year. It says anxiety affects 1 in 6 dads during the pregnancy and around 1 in 5 after the baby is born. It lists these as raising a father's risk:
- having had anxiety or depression before
- a partner who has depression or anxiety
- money worries, or work that isn't flexible
- parenthood not matching your expectations
- a difficult birth, or a very unsettled or sick baby
- not having practical, emotional or social support
The AAP notes that a father's depression can affect outcomes for the mother and baby too, so it's worth acting early. PANDA's page for dads says that if symptoms are affecting your ability to enjoy this time or to function, it's a good idea to reach out for help.
What are the signs of postnatal depression or anxiety to look out for in each other?
The NHS says many parents feel down, anxious or irritable for a few days after the birth (the baby blues), and that this usually goes away within 2 weeks. Postnatal depression can start during pregnancy or any time up to a year after the birth. Beyond Blue says it generally does not go away on its own.
Signs of depression listed by Beyond Blue and the NHS include:
- low mood, or feeling numb, hopeless or worthless
- losing interest in things you used to enjoy
- not coping with the daily routine
- changes in sleep or appetite, or withdrawing from people
- difficult feelings about the baby, or trouble bonding
- thoughts of harming yourself or your baby
Signs of anxiety listed by Pregnancy, Birth and Baby and Beyond Blue include:
- worries you can't stop thinking about, or fears something bad will happen
- feeling irritable, restless or on edge
- a racing heart, palpitations or a tight chest
- being unable to sleep, even when the baby is settled or asleep
The NHS says it's important to get help even if you only have some of the signs. Beyond Blue suggests a shorthand for hard days, such as "I'm a 3 out of 10 today", and making a plan together for the times the baby won't stop crying or won't sleep.
What is postpartum psychosis, and what should a partner do?
Postpartum psychosis is rare but serious. The NHS page on postpartum psychosis says it affects around 1 in 1,000 mothers, and symptoms usually start suddenly within the first 2 weeks after giving birth. Signs include hallucinations, unusual beliefs or suspicions, feeling very "high" or restless, rapidly changing moods and confusion.
The NHS says it should be treated as a medical emergency, and that the person may not realise they are ill. That's why a partner or family member often has to act.
- See a GP immediately and ask for an urgent assessment the same day.
- If anyone may be in danger, call your local emergency number (000 in Australia, 999 in the UK, 911 in the US) or go to the emergency department.
- Get support for yourself too; the NHS encourages partners not to be afraid to ask for help.
When should we get help, and from whom?
Call your local emergency number (000 in Australia, 999 in the UK, 911 in the US) now if anyone is in immediate danger. PANDA, the Australian perinatal service, gives the same advice for anyone in immediate danger.
Call a crisis line (Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia, Samaritans on 116 123 in the UK, 988 in the US) or your local emergency number (000 in Australia, 999 in the UK, 911 in the US) now for thoughts of suicide or of harming yourself or the baby. Beyond Blue advises seeking help immediately for these thoughts.
Get a same-day assessment for possible signs of postpartum psychosis, such as confusion, hallucinations or a sudden change in behaviour.
Book a GP appointment soon if low mood, anxiety or irritability lasts more than 2 weeks after the birth, keeps getting worse, or is stopping either of you from coping. The birth parent can also raise it with their midwife.
For support and someone to talk to, contact a perinatal support line (PANDA on 1300 726 306 in Australia, Samaritans on 116 123 in the UK, the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline on 1-833-852-6262 in the US). Perinatal support lines are not always open around the clock, so for thoughts of harm, use the crisis line or emergency services.
What's worth noting down?
A simple shared note of who covered each night, roughly how much sleep each adult got and a mood score out of 10 can show a pattern neither of you spotted. It can also make it easier to explain to a GP how long things have been hard. For the birth parent's own mood, see postnatal mood.
