If your newborn sleeps peacefully on you and wakes the moment you put them down, that is very common. The NHS says that, particularly in the early weeks, you may find your baby only falls asleep in your or your partner's arms. Holding your baby while they nap is normal and isn't a bad habit. The one firm rule is that you stay awake: if you might fall asleep, put your baby on their back in their own crib or bassinet first.
This guide covers why contact naps happen, how to keep them safe, babywearing, moving a sleeping baby to the crib and sharing the load. For the full safe-sleep checklist, see safe sleep.
Why does my newborn only nap on me?
Being held is where your baby feels safest. Unicef UK's Building a happy baby guide says new babies have a strong need to be close to their parents, and that cuddling next to your skin lets them smell you and hear your heartbeat, which comforts and calms them.
Newborn sleep is also light and changeable. A Royal Children's Hospital Melbourne sleep review says newborns spend about half their sleep in light, active sleep, when they may look restless, groan or open their eyes. It also says newborns' sleep-wake patterns depend largely on whether they are hungry or full. So a baby put down in light sleep, or close to a feed, often wakes quickly.
The NHS says newborns can sleep around 18 hours a day in total, in short stretches between feeds. That's a lot of naps to hold, which is why contact napping can feel all-consuming in the early weeks. See newborn sleep patterns for more.
Is contact napping a bad habit?
No. Unicef UK calls the idea that babies become spoilt with too much attention a myth, and says you cannot spoil your baby with too much love. The RCH review notes there is no one right way for a baby to sleep or be settled, and describes some families choosing to parent their baby to sleep for as long as the baby needs it.
It is also true that babies can get used to a way of settling. If contact naps suit you, there is no need to stop. If you'd like more crib naps, you can work on them gradually, alongside contact naps, when you're ready. Many families mix the two: a crib nap in the morning and a contact nap in the late afternoon, when babies are often most unsettled.
How do I make contact naps safer?
- Stay awake and alert. Australia's Red Nose says that if you feel drowsy while holding your baby, the safest thing is to place them in their own safe sleeping space before you fall asleep. The AAP also advises avoiding falling asleep with your baby anywhere other than a safe sleep space.
- Never on a sofa, armchair or recliner. Australia's Red Nose says never to sleep with your baby on any of these, no matter how tired you are. NICHD Safe to Sleep says couches and armchairs are never safe places for babies to sleep. The AAP says the risk is up to 67 times higher when infants sleep with someone on a couch or soft armchair, and the Lullaby Trust gives a figure of up to 50 times for SIDS risk.
- Don't lie down with your baby on your chest. Australia's Red Nose says falling asleep while lying down with your baby on your chest is unsafe, because it places your baby face down, which restricts breathing.
- Keep the airway clear. Make sure you can see your baby's face, their nose and mouth aren't pressed against you or covered by clothing or a blanket, and their chin isn't slumped onto their chest.
- Know your drowsy times. Night feeds, early mornings, or if you've had alcohol or taken medicine that makes you sleepy are times you're more likely to doze. Put your baby in their crib instead, or hand them to another adult who is awake.
- Have the crib or bassinet close by. The NHS advises your baby sleeps in the same room as you for at least the first 6 months, both day and night, and NICHD also advises room-sharing for at least 6 months. A bassinet nearby makes it easy to put your baby down.
If you wake and realize you fell asleep with your baby in your bed, NICHD advises moving them to their own sleep area as soon as you wake. Don't feel ashamed if it happens; set up the room so it's easier to put your baby down next time.
Is babywearing a safe way to contact nap?
Slings and carriers keep your baby close with your hands free, and Unicef UK says slings can help babies feel secure. They need care, especially with young babies. The Lullaby Trust says the risk of sling accidents appears to be greatest when a baby's airway is blocked, either by their chin resting on their chest or by fabric or the parent's body covering their nose and mouth.
Both the Lullaby Trust and Australia's Red Nose use the TICKS checklist:
- Tight: snug enough to hug your baby close to you.
- In view at all times: you can see your baby's face just by glancing down.
- Close enough to kiss: you can kiss the top of their head by tipping your head forward.
- Keep chin off the chest: your baby is never curled so their chin rests on their chest.
- Supported back: their back is supported in a natural position, tummy and chest against you.
Australia's Red Nose also says to follow the sling's instructions and not to use cocoon-like or womb-shaped products. The Lullaby Trust says feeding while moving about with a baby in a sling is unsafe, especially for babies under four months, premature babies or those with health conditions, so take your baby out to feed. The NHS SIDS guidance adds that the sling material shouldn't cover your baby's head. The AAP says that if a baby falls asleep in a sling or carrier, they should be moved to a firm sleep surface on their back as soon as possible.
How do I move my sleeping baby to the crib?
Transfers are easier when your baby is in deeper sleep. Australian parenting service Tresillian describes quiet sleep as the phase when babies barely move and may be hard to rouse, while in active sleep they move their arms and legs, suck and even smile.
- Wait for quiet sleep. Look for still limbs, a relaxed face and slow, even breathing before you move.
- Lower your baby slowly, keeping them close to your body until they're nearly on the mattress.
- Place them on their back, on a firm, flat mattress with nothing loose in the crib.
- Keep a hand on them for a moment, a gentle pressure on the chest or tummy, then slowly lift it away.
- Stay close for a minute or two. If they stir, try shushing or patting before picking them up.
- If they wake fully, that's okay. Pick them up, settle them and try again, or enjoy the rest of the nap held and try the crib at the next sleep.
Many families start with one crib nap a day, often the first nap of the day. For more settling ideas, see responsive settling and short naps.
How can we share the load?
Contact naps are lovely and exhausting. A few things help:
- Take turns. Your partner, a grandparent or a trusted friend can hold the baby for some naps while you rest or eat.
- Rest while someone else holds the baby. The NHS suggests trying to sleep when your baby sleeps, which works best if your baby is in their crib or with another adult who is awake.
- Use a walk. A stroller walk gives your arms a break; if your baby stays asleep when you get home, move them to their crib.
- Set up a contact-nap station. Water, snacks, a phone charger and something to read or watch help you stay awake and comfortable.
See partner support and sleep deprivation for more.
When should I get help?
Use the NHS urgent help guide for signs of serious illness.
Call 911 now if your baby:
- is struggling to breathe, breathing very fast, grunting or sucking in their tummy
- has blue, gray, pale or blotchy skin, lips or tongue
- is floppy, difficult to wake or cannot be woken
- is having a seizure (fit)
- is under 3 months old and has a temperature of 38°C (100.4°F) or higher
- is much sleepier than usual and not feeding
Get same-day medical advice (your doctor or your pediatrician's after-hours nurse line) if your baby is refusing feeds or feeding much less than usual, or has fewer wet diapers than usual.
Mention it at your next check with a doctor or pediatrician if your baby will only ever sleep held and you're struggling, or if they cry a lot and are hard to soothe (see colic and the period of PURPLE crying). If you are so tired you're struggling to cope, ask for help from your pediatrician's office. If you have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, put your baby safely in their crib and call 988 (call or text) or 911.
